This week ended on a pretty sad note. Our investigator, (김용규), finally decided to stop investigating the church, and to return to his old life. It wasn't the choice we were hoping we'd make, as we met and urged him to make a decision that he could take to God, but, like each of us, he has the ability to make his own choices and follow them through. He's met with missionaries for over 10 months, and now, in the course of 2 days, has decided that he is better off on his own. His indecision crystallized into a decision to give up, and back away from making decisions.
The two times we met him before we focused a lot on making decisions. He says that he hasn't received an answer about the Book of Mormon, even though he's been praying and reading about it for months, and we believe that his problem lies in that he was not committed to any course of action. So, we discussed how we have to make a decision to the best of our ability first, then pray to ask God if that decision is right. He had a really hard time accepting that concept, and just wanted God to tell him what to do, without realizing that part of our test in mortality is taking a step first, then waiting for the light to follow.
So, he's made his choice, and we have to respect that, even if it breaks our hearts. It reminded me of how God must feel, watching His children make choices that He knows will injure them, but not being able to stop them because He Himself gave them agency -- our precious ability to make our own choices. As we talked about Brother Kim (김), I received the comfort from the Holy Ghost that I had prayed for as I realized that I can honestly say that I did everything I could. We have labored, fought, cried, and prayed for this man, giving him everything he could possibly need to make an informed decision... and he made it. Though it hurts us, it's not our fault that he decided to turn away from the path of discipleship.
Another lesson and blessing I received was the realization that all of the pain I felt for him (김용규) was evidence of something inside of me: charity. I had love for that man, and that's why it hurt when he walked away from us. All I've ever wanted is charity, and so it was a bittersweet reward to know that I had achieved it for this man. As I read the scriptures later, I was inspired to read Ether 12:36-37, from the Book of Mormon. Some of you may remember that this is the scripture Hyrum Smith shared with his brother Joseph, shortly before their martyrdom.
"And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord that he would give unto the Gentiles grace, that they might have charity.
"And it came to pass that the Lord said unto me: If they have not charity, it mattereth not unto thee, thou hast been faithful; wherefore, thy garments shall be made clean. And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father."
In a sense, I'm grateful to have this experience. I can honestly say that it's the first time somebody has caused me this much pain in the mission field, but it's worth it. While rejections from those who know our message of restoration and hope is true stings far more than those who ignorantly avoid us, it's all worth it because I'm doing what I need to do, to raise a voice of warning, and of hope to those who will hearken. Christ Himself was "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." (Isaiah 53:3)
Luckily, we're not asked to undergo experiences like that everyday. On Friday, we met with a man named Kyoo Hwan and his friend, Gyung Hwan (규환 하고 경환). We've been meeting them every Friday for months. Brother Kyoo Hwan has started praying, and every time we meet, he tells us that it really does help him, and it brings something different to his life. That's a person who recognizes that there is something in the gospel that he wants.
We also have had an opportunity to eat with our ward mission leader. We had some extra time before our appointment with him at a nearby restaurant, so we proselyted. We talked to one man who was interested in meeting us and learning English. He asked for our phone number; which doesn't happen often. We're meeting him on Friday, and I'm confident he'll become a new investigator. How wonderful! God is involved in this work.
Last Monday was also a great day. Lots of the Sisters in my group from the MTC are going home in a few weeks, so we all got together again to say goodbye, relive memories, and take some pictures. It was a sobering reminder of just how quickly time is passing by. I once heard that time is like flowing water; you have to try and grasp it in your hands even as it passes through them.
I also went on exchanges with Elder Thorup, one of our zone leaders, this week. We had a great time discussing how the gospel is found in everything, drawing comparisons with our favorite stories. We also discussed the future a bit, as we have overlapping interests in music. I really enjoyed our time together, and also the advice he was able to give on becoming a more solid proselyting missionary (the item I requested training on). It all comes back to setting goals, praying about them, then getting up and doing your best to reach them.
And I know that when we take the time to specifically talk to God about the things that matter to us, He listens. He cares. He wants to help us, and the power of prayer is that when we ask Him for His aid, we authorize Him to bless us. He can't do it without our permission, because He sent us here to learn. God won't resist or override our choices, but He will always try to influence our circumstances for our ultimate good. Fasting, prayer, and obedience are all acts of faith, and our faith allows God to show forth His arm in our life.
Love,
Elder Austin Lynn
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